Today I sat curled into the couch as a break from crawling all over the floor cleaning out my art supplies. I sat for maybe fifteen minutes just reading and staring out of the little slice of window that the cardboard wasn’t covering. I put out my left leg to stand on it and then I was on the floor. For a moment I was confused to be sitting again, and then the fear sunk in. (Just last night I had forgotten how to turn the water off in the shower as the temperature kept swaying from frigid to scalding hot.) In those moments I realized how fragile I am and how little control I really do possess – how human I am – and how desperately I need God in my life to care for my physical being instead of just my spiritual one. In those moments I understood how much I was cared for and loved; how mysterious and incredible God truly is.
My knee feels like it is even more crooked than normal and I fear that these repetitive falls mean something bigger is going on. Maybe that small gap in my tendon is growing apart. Yet, even as my leg gives out and I fall more often than I could ever have imagined, I know that I will always have the strength to stand and the means to be able to do so. Little mercies.
